We all know the truth behind the statement that talk is cheap, right? It’s easier to talk the talk than it is to walk the walk. When it comes to being a dad, we want to walk the walk. Even if at times – lets admit it – our walk might look more like a disoriented hobble.
Us dads are learning how to walk out this thing called fatherhood.
(Which is why 9 out of 10 young dads recommend subscribing to our email list if you haven’t already.)
But this month we are going to be addressing one aspect of talk that isn’t cheap.
What you say to your kids matters a whole heck of a lot – and some words can be very expensive.
A few times I remember being told by my stepdad that I was “the stupidest kid he’s ever seen”. As a retired chief in the Navy, he definitely had a way with words. A way that I’ve tried hard not to replicate. Having him talk to me like that cost a lot. Eventually, I got to the point where I was very insecure about whether I was messing up and this made even the most mundane tasks surprisingly unpleasant if he was around.
But you know what’s surprising? I think there are some words that were more valuable than even the harshest criticism and negativity. But these are words I never heard, though like you, I wish I had. Or maybe some of you did.
“Son, I love you.”
[pause and reflect]
Yes – what we say to our kids matters. It matters more than we realize. And that’s what we are focusing on this month. Talk isn’t always cheap!
This has sure been true for my life. I grew up with my dad and step-dad and both were very different yet struggled to affirm their love and acceptance of me. With one I’d get some good words followed by anger and rage over the smallest thing and with the other I practiced safe distance in order to not be talked down to and verbally and emotionally crapped on. To hear these words above that you suggest Matthew, from either of my fathers would have made an incredible impact. Only one of my dad’s is left and even with all the pain I haven’t forgotten between us, I’d still accept a warming hug and would cry with an open and vulnerable heart to hear I love you and I’m sorry. Talk isn’t cheap if your actions are in line, even if it’s through failing and mistakes. That is what “I’m sorry” is for. The pride that keeps father’s mouths shut from this moment of apology continues cycles of brokenhearted children who turn into coldhearted adults. As a step-mother myself, I am continually practicing the opportunity to put aside pride and apologize when I am wrong. It’s uncomfortable, hurts to admit, but the healing it can provide to a family’s relationship is COMPLETELY WORTH IT!